Bats, scabies and blood

Sorry for not blogging recently, I left Haiti two weeks ago to attend my brother's graduation from Wake Forest which was followed by a family vacation in the Blue Ridge Mountains(where Dirty Dancing and The Last of the Mohicans was filmed)! It was gorgeous and really fun. Of course I did not return to the states empty handed; I came back with ringworm and scabies!! Sorry to all the family and friends I hugged while I was home! :) The good news is Annelies told me that you know you are a good nurse when you have had scabies! Yippee!!
I returned to Haiti last Monday with my brother. It was good to be back and see everyone. Unfortunately, three of our patients had died while I was away. One of them a 54yo TB patient with HIV; who I expected to die. As well as a 14yo girl with TB, who I completely did not expect to die. And saddest of all our little baby Ivnelle who had been staying with us died in his mother's arms. I was heartbroken. Honestly, it feels as though everyone dies. I have questioned if I have that affect, like everyone I try to care for dies. Sometimes it is so hopeless and disc0uraging, it feels like we aren't doing any good.
This was followed by Tuesday morning, a 1yo with respiratory problems died at the hospital. And Wednesday morning I was awoken for an ambulance in which a 14yo boy with diarrhea and vomiting was unconscious. He died within an hour of arriving. WELCOME BACK! It has become heartbreak after heartbreak. I enjoyed being at home and not having to worry about who would die next.
But there is happiness and joy as well! Chaniaca, the 5yo girl with heartfailure is doing much better and will come home on Thursday after 3months! She is a little miracle and victory for us! And I really enjoy all the volunteers that are here with us! They are quality and it is awesome to live in community with them!
Ok patient of the week a 53yo man came in and said he was peeing blood. In reality, he had blood dripping from his penis. He then wanted to emphasize this and squeezed his penis which caused a faucet stream of blood to come out of his penis onto our chair! Sick me out!! By far the most disturbing penis case I have seen, and that is really saying something!!
Animal update: The other day I went to the toilet, and there is a window behind the toilet. I heard a noise and their was a rat pushed up against the screen!! Not ok!! Worst story of all is last night my brother heard a noise in his room (he has been sleeping with the door open). He decided to investigate and saw a BAT hanging down from the bunk bed in his room! He was on a different bed thank goodness! But the bat was eating a cockroach!! Freaky!!! He know sleeps with the door shut!

Supermom's

Last weekend we had the little girl stay with us, and she died on Sunday morning but we cared for her Friday, and Saturday. Then on Tuesday we decided to NG tube one of the babies at the hospital. The baby is 3mo, he has HIV and his mom is also sick in the hospital with HIV. Tuesday evening he looked very bad, sunken eyes, vomiting a lot etc. He looked like he was near death, we asked the mom if we could take him home so we could tube feed him in the night. But his mom was afraid he would die, and she wanted to be with him when he died. So I had a sleepover at the hospital. I stayed in the room of one of our malnourished kids and I woke up throughout the night to give the baby milk. Since then he spends most of his days and nights with us. I take half the night shift and someone else takes the other half. Last night Ryna took him for me so I could sleep which was really good because I am sick now. All of this is so relevant for the week leading up to mothers day. Someone said to us that we like to take in babies because we aren't moms yet. And I said no its the opposite, we aren't moms yet BECAUSE we have taken in babies. We have a glimpse of the reality of what it takes to be a mom. And do not even get me started on how upset I am that I have seen the reality of childbirth, the thought of going thru labor is the most terrifying thing I can imagine. Seriously, the hardest work of my life has been the times I have had to care for a baby. It is a job without rest, it requires the energy of a Mexican jumping bean(Ryna's words), and it takes the patience and love of Jesus(and I really mean that)!! Whenever I care for a baby I have a new appreciation for my mom, especially since rumor has it I cried pretty much constantly! And don't even get me going on what a hot mess my sister was(love u emagirl)!! I always say when I am down here I want to gain some of AM's superwoman powers, but whenever I have a baby or kid with me I wish my mom was here to give me some of her supermom powers! Everyone says their mom is great, but if you know my mom you know when I say it its true. Its hard for me to take in a baby, because I know I can't measure up to my mom!! She would have the baby bathed, dressed nicely, worked all day, cleaned the house, and made a meal for the neighborhood. Yesterday, I didn't have the energy to clean the baby puke off my pants (he projectile vomits sometimes)! But to all the moms, if you have managed to keep your sanity and not killed your child then you are amazing!! And I hope I am as good of a mom as you are, and like 1/10 as good as my mom!!! :) Also, a quick shout out to the dads, I know for sure I refuse to be a single mom because its too hard without the help and support of the baby daddy!! Nothing harder than being a parent, NOTHING!!!!!

　

Here we go again

We had a low key week, followed by a hideous weekend. I can't even remember anything in the week worth mentioning. Except that a married couple Annelies(Holland) and Dustin(US) came last weekend! They have been a great addition to our team, and Dustin is the reason we have internet! Now we are definitely our own little community, 6 people living here at the guest house along with a team of 5 Americans from CA. They are a pretty low key team which has been nice. And the team includes Dustin's parents, his mom is a wonderful cook! Its been so nice coming home to good food!! She even made chocolate cake in Haiti!!! Yippee!!

Unfortunately, Friday afternoon we had a really sick 4yo come in with bloody diarrhea. She was so weak she could not hold her head up. The dad refused to stay in the hospital with her so we decided to take her home. Friday night she stayed with the MD and his wifey and she was doing ok, she even walked to the toilet, and she talked a little. Then mid day Sat. she became unresponsive. We could not get an IV in her Friday, or Sat. But we did NG tube feed her, after we put the tube in yesterday she was a little better. When we pulled fluid out of the tube we saw old blood, each time we tube fed her. Then she had another bloody stool, but the real problem was she started have lung problems breathing fast and hard with what sounded like pneumonia. Last night I had her until 2:30 AM, then Annelies took over. At about 11PM she started to cry out, which scared me a lot because I realized I have never heard a kid cry like that and live. I woke Ryna up because I was scared, but we could not do anything except give her lots of pain medicine. Then at 4:30 Annelies woke me up and told me that the little girl was dying. I went into the room and she had vomited old dark blood everywhere. She died within a half hour.

Yesterday, a lady came in labor, and she had a note from another clinic saying she had been pushing for 12hrs and the baby could not be delivered vaginally! 6th kid. The mom was ok, as was the baby's heartrate. Michel who said we could use the vacuum to get the baby out. He used the vacuum and got the baby's head out but the shoulder got stuck. It was horrible. We tried thrusting her legs into her chest, and then we had her stand up. Finally after what seemed like forever the baby came out, but she was dead. We did CPR but could not revive her. It was really sad. The worst part is that to do a burial in Haiti is really expensive and the families cannot afford it so when a baby is born dead many times they throw the baby in the outhouse. Which is what the family did yesterday. That is poverty beyond imagination, when your option is to throw your kid in the toilet to save your family from drowning in debt. Its just horrifying all around.

On a brighter note, everyone is the hospital is doing well! We sent some patients home healthy, which is a victory!! And my little friend Orisnel, the 27lb 12 yo went home feeling much better. We admitted some new patients a mother and 3mo baby with HIV. And another women with HIV and heart failure. Plus a new TB patient who I really like, but she is 26yo and weighs 63lbs. We have three malnourished kids who actually drink the milk, except for one of them. But they are all doing well! So good things are happening as well. And our patient who we took to Paul Farmer is also good!! There is hope!