Sara's Journey

Epiphany

2010-06-08T14:07:00.000-07:00

For the first time in the 8mo I have spent in Haiti I have lost a lot of hope. Before I always had so much hope that the work we are doing is good, and Haiti will change. I thought it was so important to do primary care and help the people one by one. But now I've realized we need public health education so that we can help a large number of people and make it sustainable.
This epiphany was spurred on by Ryna, AJ, Dustin and I taking a group of 9 patients to an HIV program in PPX. The gov. provides the HIV meds for free but only at certain locations, since our number of HIV patients has been increasing lately, we have decided to take a group one day every month. After arriving at the hospital program we had to wait in three different lines, followed by a trip to the lab, into an office, around the building to make a file, back to a different office, and ending in the pharmacy. Times 9 patients, not fun. Though we had informed each of our patients that they were HIV positive, each one stated that they did not they had HIV. Even though we had told them multiple times. Many of the patients did not believe or understand the HIV education they got at the other hospital. One continues to state she does not have it because she does not have a rash or diarrhea; though she has tested positive three times. Another one who's husband died a month ago in our hospital d/t HIV still states he contracted HIV because someone put a powder on his chest.
It is so frustrating!! I don't know what the problem is, either the patients don't want to learn or have a hard time learning. Haitians are not stupid but if you don't go to school it is hard to even know how to learn. I just wanted to scream HELLO!! You need to listen and learn how you get HIV and most importantly how you can spread it to others. And HELLO the government needs to be teaching the people, and enticing them to get treatment and education. I never want to go back to that program b/c it was so crazy and overwhelming. I can't imagine how the Haitians feel, I got to arrive in a car, and probably got some special treatment b/c we know some people there, but to go through that by myself without any health knowledge would be so confusing. Added bonus there is no prevention in Haiti. People don't even know about prevention, and even if they do they can't do anything about it. In Passe Catabois you can't even buy a condom. People don't even know about the importance of handwashing, or clean water, or safe sex. Blah! Haiti needs to re-evaluate healthcare in a big way. Haiti has serious issues regarding healthcare. I mean we need to start from scratch here. Can you imagine not even knowing these basic things? I am excited to go home and try to think of creative ways to teach public health in Haiti.
Updates: the clinic was pretty mild last week. We had one small child with meningitis who went home and died the next day. Of course later that day I had a hypocondriach moment and thought that I also had meningitis! Minor panic. On Saturday, I delivered a premature baby girl who had died in utero. It was the mother's third baby that she had delivered dead. Horrible. I can't imagine that pain. The family did not want to take her home to bury her because of the costs, so she went in the latrine. And we had another baby come in who had the umbilical cord fall off and was bleeding. Michel stitched it up and she is all better!!
On a truly happy note. Chaniaka, the 5yo with heartfailure went home yesterday. She is playing and dancing and singing! She is a little miracle child. So there is still hope in Haiti.

Bats, scabies and blood

2010-05-30T15:56:00.000-07:00

Sorry for not blogging recently, I left Haiti two weeks ago to attend my brother's graduation from Wake Forest which was followed by a family vacation in the Blue Ridge Mountains(where Dirty Dancing and The Last of the Mohicans was filmed)! It was gorgeous and really fun. Of course I did not return to the states empty handed; I came back with ringworm and scabies!! Sorry to all the family and friends I hugged while I was home! :) The good news is Annelies told me that you know you are a good nurse when you have had scabies! Yippee!!
I returned to Haiti last Monday with my brother. It was good to be back and see everyone. Unfortunately, three of our patients had died while I was away. One of them a 54yo TB patient with HIV; who I expected to die. As well as a 14yo girl with TB, who I completely did not expect to die. And saddest of all our little baby Ivnelle who had been staying with us died in his mother's arms. I was heartbroken. Honestly, it feels as though everyone dies. I have questioned if I have that affect, like everyone I try to care for dies. Sometimes it is so hopeless and disc0uraging, it feels like we aren't doing any good.
This was followed by Tuesday morning, a 1yo with respiratory problems died at the hospital. And Wednesday morning I was awoken for an ambulance in which a 14yo boy with diarrhea and vomiting was unconscious. He died within an hour of arriving. WELCOME BACK! It has become heartbreak after heartbreak. I enjoyed being at home and not having to worry about who would die next.
But there is happiness and joy as well! Chaniaca, the 5yo girl with heartfailure is doing much better and will come home on Thursday after 3months! She is a little miracle and victory for us! And I really enjoy all the volunteers that are here with us! They are quality and it is awesome to live in community with them!
Ok patient of the week a 53yo man came in and said he was peeing blood. In reality, he had blood dripping from his penis. He then wanted to emphasize this and squeezed his penis which caused a faucet stream of blood to come out of his penis onto our chair! Sick me out!! By far the most disturbing penis case I have seen, and that is really saying something!!
Animal update: The other day I went to the toilet, and there is a window behind the toilet. I heard a noise and their was a rat pushed up against the screen!! Not ok!! Worst story of all is last night my brother heard a noise in his room (he has been sleeping with the door open). He decided to investigate and saw a BAT hanging down from the bunk bed in his room! He was on a different bed thank goodness! But the bat was eating a cockroach!! Freaky!!! He know sleeps with the door shut!

Supermom's

2010-05-08T14:49:00.000-07:00

Last weekend we had the little girl stay with us, and she died on Sunday morning but we cared for her Friday, and Saturday. Then on Tuesday we decided to NG tube one of the babies at the hospital. The baby is 3mo, he has HIV and his mom is also sick in the hospital with HIV. Tuesday evening he looked very bad, sunken eyes, vomiting a lot etc. He looked like he was near death, we asked the mom if we could take him home so we could tube feed him in the night. But his mom was afraid he would die, and she wanted to be with him when he died. So I had a sleepover at the hospital. I stayed in the room of one of our malnourished kids and I woke up throughout the night to give the baby milk. Since then he spends most of his days and nights with us. I take half the night shift and someone else takes the other half. Last night Ryna took him for me so I could sleep which was really good because I am sick now. All of this is so relevant for the week leading up to mothers day. Someone said to us that we like to take in babies because we aren't moms yet. And I said no its the opposite, we aren't moms yet BECAUSE we have taken in babies. We have a glimpse of the reality of what it takes to be a mom. And do not even get me started on how upset I am that I have seen the reality of childbirth, the thought of going thru labor is the most terrifying thing I can imagine. Seriously, the hardest work of my life has been the times I have had to care for a baby. It is a job without rest, it requires the energy of a Mexican jumping bean(Ryna's words), and it takes the patience and love of Jesus(and I really mean that)!! Whenever I care for a baby I have a new appreciation for my mom, especially since rumor has it I cried pretty much constantly! And don't even get me going on what a hot mess my sister was(love u emagirl)!! I always say when I am down here I want to gain some of AM's superwoman powers, but whenever I have a baby or kid with me I wish my mom was here to give me some of her supermom powers! Everyone says their mom is great, but if you know my mom you know when I say it its true. Its hard for me to take in a baby, because I know I can't measure up to my mom!! She would have the baby bathed, dressed nicely, worked all day, cleaned the house, and made a meal for the neighborhood. Yesterday, I didn't have the energy to clean the baby puke off my pants (he projectile vomits sometimes)! But to all the moms, if you have managed to keep your sanity and not killed your child then you are amazing!! And I hope I am as good of a mom as you are, and like 1/10 as good as my mom!!! :) Also, a quick shout out to the dads, I know for sure I refuse to be a single mom because its too hard without the help and support of the baby daddy!! Nothing harder than being a parent, NOTHING!!!!!

Here we go again

2010-05-02T14:12:00.000-07:00

We had a low key week, followed by a hideous weekend. I can't even remember anything in the week worth mentioning. Except that a married couple Annelies(Holland) and Dustin(US) came last weekend! They have been a great addition to our team, and Dustin is the reason we have internet! Now we are definitely our own little community, 6 people living here at the guest house along with a team of 5 Americans from CA. They are a pretty low key team which has been nice. And the team includes Dustin's parents, his mom is a wonderful cook! Its been so nice coming home to good food!! She even made chocolate cake in Haiti!!! Yippee!!

Unfortunately, Friday afternoon we had a really sick 4yo come in with bloody diarrhea. She was so weak she could not hold her head up. The dad refused to stay in the hospital with her so we decided to take her home. Friday night she stayed with the MD and his wifey and she was doing ok, she even walked to the toilet, and she talked a little. Then mid day Sat. she became unresponsive. We could not get an IV in her Friday, or Sat. But we did NG tube feed her, after we put the tube in yesterday she was a little better. When we pulled fluid out of the tube we saw old blood, each time we tube fed her. Then she had another bloody stool, but the real problem was she started have lung problems breathing fast and hard with what sounded like pneumonia. Last night I had her until 2:30 AM, then Annelies took over. At about 11PM she started to cry out, which scared me a lot because I realized I have never heard a kid cry like that and live. I woke Ryna up because I was scared, but we could not do anything except give her lots of pain medicine. Then at 4:30 Annelies woke me up and told me that the little girl was dying. I went into the room and she had vomited old dark blood everywhere. She died within a half hour.

Yesterday, a lady came in labor, and she had a note from another clinic saying she had been pushing for 12hrs and the baby could not be delivered vaginally! 6th kid. The mom was ok, as was the baby's heartrate. Michel who said we could use the vacuum to get the baby out. He used the vacuum and got the baby's head out but the shoulder got stuck. It was horrible. We tried thrusting her legs into her chest, and then we had her stand up. Finally after what seemed like forever the baby came out, but she was dead. We did CPR but could not revive her. It was really sad. The worst part is that to do a burial in Haiti is really expensive and the families cannot afford it so when a baby is born dead many times they throw the baby in the outhouse. Which is what the family did yesterday. That is poverty beyond imagination, when your option is to throw your kid in the toilet to save your family from drowning in debt. Its just horrifying all around.

On a brighter note, everyone is the hospital is doing well! We sent some patients home healthy, which is a victory!! And my little friend Orisnel, the 27lb 12 yo went home feeling much better. We admitted some new patients a mother and 3mo baby with HIV. And another women with HIV and heart failure. Plus a new TB patient who I really like, but she is 26yo and weighs 63lbs. We have three malnourished kids who actually drink the milk, except for one of them. But they are all doing well! So good things are happening as well. And our patient who we took to Paul Farmer is also good!! There is hope!

Paul Farmer Here I Come

2010-04-25T14:36:00.000-07:00

We have had a TB patient that we think is resistant. He started treatment last summer with me, and then stopped treatment. He is 21yo, and finished with 2mo txmt and is still so sick, I think he is almost 6feet tall and weighs 96lbs. HELLO!! AM said we need to take him to Cange, which is where PIH, Paul Farmer's hospital is! I was like yippee! B/c I think this is his only chance to live, and maybe I get to see Paul Farmer! My hero!!! My entire week basically revolved around this trip so this is all I'm gonna blog about!

Here is how it goes.

Number of hours spent in the car total 14hrs (Please keep in mind Haiti roads are the worst in the world)

Number of times I caught air as we went over a hole in the ground: I cant remember because I have brain damage from the bumps

Number of times we almost got into a car accident with a goat: 1000 (that is probably only a SLIGHT exaggeration)

Number of times I complained about being hot(excluding the car ride): 0 b/c Cange is in the mountains and its cool

Number of times I was super impressed by Cange, and thought about Paul Farmer: too many to count

Overall, the trip was amazing. Cange and the hospital there is sooo impressive. Its like a little resort in the mountains, just a beautiful isolated hospital. They seem to do a good job, and everything is free. They let us stay there, and gave us food. We stayed for two nights! It is seriously surrounded by mountains, and is just beautiful. I am so happy I got to go there, the only let down was Farmer was not there, they said he left right after Easter. I was like oh man, soooo close. But I am happy I got to go on an adventure in Haiti, and I am really excited b/c I think they can really help our patient. Plus when I return to the US I am going to bring the sputum of our patient's sister, who is in our hospital for TB. They are going to test her for TB resistance, and I am going to bring it to them. So now I consider myself an insider and future employee of PIH! :)

Also, I had a frog sit next to me last night while I went to toilet! Once again, can I get a little privacy!

My Own Horror Movie

2010-04-25T14:30:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the lack of blogs and emails! Trust me I wish I could have been in contact with the outside world!! Don't feel ignored, and don't give up on me, I need your prayers and emails now more than ever!! The past few weeks have been difficult. Haiti is such a source of joy, and peace for me. But it also breaks my heart more than I can handle sometimes. Today, Ryna and I were awoken at 5AM by the sister of one of our TB patients, Acdonel. She said he was vomiting blood. By the time we walked to the hospital he was dead. I was near hysteria, people had to calm me down. Last night I sat and talked with him and we laughed. He had been here 4 weeks and was improving, he was walking, and last Sunday he went to church! He was one of my favorite patients, after Ryna and I did rounds I was talking to Ryna about how much I liked him and that I just wanted to hang out with him. He was just a source of joy for everyone in the hospital, and his death was so unexpected. He is just hard describe, he was just an amazing person. I have never been so sad and upset over someone dying, I'm sad he's gone. Then later today at clinic I delivered a baby that was dead. The mom was seven months pregnant, and had not felt the baby moving. We did an ultrasound and realized the baby was dead, so we induced labor and today she delivered him.

On a more encouraging note we have had several deliveries that have been really good. On Sunday, I delivered a baby which is becoming my favorite things to do. Friday night we had a mom laboring with twins. Dr. Michael checked her and she was only dilated to a 3 so we went home and told them to call us if she felt the need to push. Within 45min the guard was at my house saying one of the twins had already been born. I tried to run to the clinic, of course rolling my ankle on the way b/c the path is all rock, and almost throwing up because I had just finished eating. By the time I got their there were two baby girls chillin on the bed!

Also, we had a team from Ryna's church come, and they were awesome! Just super faithful and encouraging! Plus they made awesome food, and just made me laugh a lot which I appreciated! The one downfall was one guy on the team really like the grape soda here which is similar to Dimatapp cough syrup, or poison!! So that was seriously sickin me out!! And also, I had a spider in my shower! I decided to show mercy and let him live but then he started crawling up the wall directly behind my head! Which was a serious problem, so I tried to kill him, I knocked him down where he played dead and after a few minutes he started walking again! So then I got really mad and really killed him!

Now this is the real story I need to tell, but this is not for everyone. This story will freak you out, and maybe haunt you so stop reading if you cant handle it. This is also the incident that destroyed my friendship with Ryna b/c she woke me up and brought me into this world of terror! JJ, we are still friends!! We admitted a baby to the hospital for dehydration. We put a tube in, and were rotating doing feedings. Our favorite thing to do. Ryna went to do an 11o'clock night feeding. I was awoken by her running into the room basically crying. She told me that while doing the feeding she saw something move in the baby's mouth. Then she looked in and the back of the baby's mouth was filled with blood and worms. So we went to the clinic got a bulb syringe, and some tweezers to try to remove the worms. There were probably a hundred worms, we probably got 20 out. They had dug a hole in the baby's gums, and had also dug holes in the back of the baby's mouth inside the cheek pockets. While I was plucking the worms out, one came out the baby's eye. It was seriously worse than a horror movie. Its midnight, its dark, and you are pulling worms from a 5mo baby's mouth. Over the next few days we pulled out like 20 worms a day, the mom got most of them out b/c she would see them rise out of the holes and grab them out. I think overall only one came out the eye, and 5 came out the nose. We tried all different things to kill the worms, but we couldn't get them out b/c they were in the back of the baby's mouth. After a few days the mom pulled out a few dead worms but soon after the baby died. I think the worms had gotten into its sinuses and into its brain. We could tell the baby was probably brain dead bc he clenched his fists and would not open them again, and his eyes were not responsive. I think they were maggots, but I don't know. One night I brought 9 of them home alive and tried all different things to kill them, but not even bleach would kill them. Anyway, that is the worst experience of my life! And I can not even hear the word worms anymore. I literally had nightmares. The baby died the day before Acdonel our TB patient died. Then on Sat. a 13yo boy died of Pneumonia. So basically this week I feel like what are we doing here, everyone is dying and its so awful and unnecessary!! My heart hurts, and my sadness is so overwhelming. I hope next week is better. And please send out some prayers!

Seriously?

2010-03-27T12:06:00.000-07:00

My week in review:
Sunday: Rob is back! Yippee!!
Monday: In the morning a medical team of 52 people came and stayed at our house until Thursday. Pro: medical and dental care for so many people. Con: Sharing my kitchen and most unpleasantly my bathroom with 52 people.
Monday PM: I had to tell one of our patients, 30yo young man, who had been shot randomly with a bullet that went thru his arm, into his chest and struck his spinal cord, that he will never walk again. I sat with him for an hour as he cried and told me he wanted to die. Its hard enough to earn money in Haiti but when you can't walk, and you have a small family what can you do?
Tuesday: A pediatrician from the team saw our 1.85kg baby and told us she has Trisomy 18, and will not survive. We then had to tell the mother, and it was really sad. It was difficult for us because the MD said she has 95% chance of dying but maybe we could NG tube feed her for a year. But we are not equipped to do that here, she would have to live with us, use so many supplies, at some point need a feeding tube put in her stomach and still probably die. It was a heartbreaking decision to send her home.
Wednesday: I went to give Erebendi his afternoon milk and he was holding his arms and breathing hard. The mother said he is not good and that he has let go. We loaded him up on antibiotics, and pain medicine. About 2hrs later he seemed better, he was wanting to drink water. We went home to eat dinner and got called to the hospital with the news he had died. I can't put into words how I feel about that.
Thursday: We also found out Wednesday that one of our TB patients and his wife have HIV. We told them Thursday morning.
Friday PM: Ryna came into the room and announced to me that their was a spider IN my bed. This spider was the size of a big chocolate chip cookie. Bigger than a Reeses Peanut Butter cup (Its been a hard week I have chocolate on the brain!) So I flung him out of my bed and killed him! But what a way to end the week! I mean seriously!

Week 2

2010-03-27T12:01:00.000-07:00

AM left on Sunday which leaves the four of us here to hold things down! It was an interesting week! Michael is a gyno and is trying to learn tropical medicine at warp speed! Also, he and his wife Esther cannot speak Creole which adds an interesting dynamic! We had a couple deliveries, and I am practicing being a midwife here so I am always the one at the deliveries! When we do deliveries or have an emergency Michael always goes back to speaking German, so currently I am learning German and Creole!! We had one emergency in which a women came in with half of her lip bit off! Sick me out!! Her husband has two wives and his other wife bit her lip off! We don't know why, but in case anyone needed it here is more proof that multiple wives are not a good idea!!! We also had a man come in who crashed his motorcycle and split is nose in half! Once again, sick me out! These are moments when I question whether or not I enjoy being a nurse!
Plus to start off the week, on Monday we admitted three more malnourished kids. MILK!!! One is a little girl who is 3, and has the beginning of Kwash. She left on Friday though because her mom did not want to stay. The other one is a 5 yo boy who weighs 27lbs and has a huge wound the size of a hamburger on his butt. He has not walked for 8 days. His mom was 9mo pregnant and on Thursday morning she literally popped out the baby. As in I did not even have time to put my gloves on. But Michael already had gloves on so he caught the baby. After delivering the mother said she could no longer stay at the hospital. Even though I told her if they left Jino her son would die. They promised to come back for milk every morning, we have not seen them since. I'm so sad because he will die, and maybe he could have lived. Our last malnourished boy is 12yo and has Down's Syndrome. He weighs 27lbs as well, yes a 12yo weighing 27lbs. He is sooo precious, I want to keep him in my pocket!! But I can't because he tried to hit Esther on the head with corn, so it would be a difficult working condition for her if he was in my pocket!! Thursday we also had a 3mo baby move into the hospital, she weighs 1.75kg. We are giving her formula and she is taking it. By Sat. her weight had increased to 1.85 so that was good. We continue to give Erebendi the milk thru his tube, his swelling has gone down some but he will not drink or eat anything. Come on little man!!
We also admitted two new TB patients! Apparently, word gets out that the MD is back and the flocks are coming. We are trying to fill the hospital up in our first week!!
Good news I killed my first tarantula! It took three rocks a few screams from Ryna but he is dead!! The mice continue to violate us in the bathroom, but I'm getting used to them!!

Week One in Passe Catabois

2010-03-18T16:12:00.000-07:00

I lied we do have the internet!!
We left PAP on Tuesday via a small plane. I am not a fan of these little plane rides, but I was feeling really calm b/c I was so excited to head to PC and see everyone! I felt sooo good that I even ate some goldfish, unfortunately about 2/3 of the way thru the flight we hit some major turbulance and I almost threw up all the goldfish! It was scary, Ryna had to put her head down and go into a prayer vigil!! I actually started laughing, I'm totally that annoying person that when a situation is stressful I get that hysterical laugh. Last time I was in Haiti and on a motorcycle, I was laughing so hard b/c I thought I would die but the driver thought I was laughing b/c I was having so much fun so he kept speeding up, as I got closer and closer to a heart attackt!!! We made it to PC and I got to see AM! She is doing really well, and is just as amazing as ever! She went back to Holland on Sunday and will return after the girls are officially adopted!! I'm soooo sad she is gone, part of the reason I come to Haiti is just to soak up her goodness, if I can be like 5% as good as her that would be awesome!! We also met the new German doctor, Michael and his wife, Esther and I love them both! I have already made jokes about Germany and it has been a hit so I love that! Plus, the doctor is an OB and he said he would let me do the deliveries so I am excited about that, and he loves getting a Coke everyday so we will be BFF! Esther is a nurse too, and she is so nice and does whatever is needed! I think we will all be a good team, but I think we are all a little anxious about AM being gone!
Of course day 1 we are greeted by a malnourished boy, 2yo, Erebendi. He is soooo swollen, and will not drink the milk so we had to put in an NG tube which he likes to pull out!! Saturday night I looked at him and decided he was about to die, the swelling was increasing so I decided to get up and give him milk at night! Bring on the exhaustion! Ryna being the good caring nurse she is gets up too! And yesterday Esther joined in! Esther feeds him at 11PM, I'm at 1AM, Ryna at 4AM. He still is about the same but he's alive so I'm hopeful! But seeing him has brought back some sad memories! I'm glad to be here but there is also so many sad memories. I asked AM about some of my old patients, and Dieselmet the malnourished boy is doing well! Unfortunately, two of my TB patients died and one child who stayed in the hospital for pneumonia. Sad.
Besides that the most eventful thing that happened was while I was on the toilet!! Sorry, but its true! I went to the bathroom at like 2AM and while I was sitting there I saw a shadow outside the door! YES, a shadow! It freaked me out, I was like oh crap that better not be a huge tarantula coming after me! It was not, it was a big mouse that decided to charge me while I sat on the toilet! Excuse me, I am suppossed to be getting some privacy here in PC and I have 2 mice that like to join me in the toilet! At least its not a tarantula, which I have not seen any!!! And the best news of all is that Amelia the sheep I was tempted to slaughter more than once has been relocated!!
I already have a baby that I will take care of next month, a decision I may regret later! She is 11mo and her mom died. She is living with a French couple here, and they leave in April so she comes to live with me! Ryna was super excited that I volunteered to do that; we may no longer be roommates in a month! But the baby supposedly sleeps thru the night! And AM needed someone to watch the baby and I can't say no to her, she is my hero! Plus I am praciticing being a mom at different stages, the first two babies were extremely exhausting! I'm really hopeful and blissfully ignorant in thinking that maybe an 11mo will be less exhausting and lots of fun!! Here we go again!!

Back at the clinic

2010-03-14T15:35:00.000-07:00

Hi, Just wanted to let you all know we have NO internet here right now, hopefully it will become available soon but in the mean time I will not be able to update my blog or email.
We made it to the clinic and everything is good. So for the time being remember.... no news is good news!
Peace

Goodbye PAP

2010-03-08T13:36:00.000-08:00

This past week was much better! We worked at a couple different clinics! One was at a closed down amusement park, which was actually scary! Similar to something out of a horror movie, plus amusement park in Haiti thats just odd! The UN did an aid distribution during our clinic it was pretty cool to get to see how that works!! A little crazy but everyone got tarps, and a bucket with water, soap, toothpaste, and TP!! Yesterday, was my last day of work ; Ryna and I decided to go for the ER. Nothing too exciting, two women were hit by a car, but they both were rushed to the OR pretty quick so we did nothing. One had a huge chunk out of her knee which was pretty gross and looked painful!!
Privacy please! Ok earlier in the week a woman tried to share a shower with me, and seriously got mad at me when I said no! Last night, I was awoken to find one of my odd roommates bent over in my face! She wanted to tell me a story! Maybe I'm judgmental but there are just weird people in the world, and she is one of them! I mean I was sleeping!! Then in the middle of the night she woke me up because she fell off her bed! She had put a huge inflatable mattress on top of her cot, not the most brilliant move I have seen! Today, I was in the toilet at camp and two Haitian men decided to come in wash their hands, and have a conversation in the bathroom! Excuse me, Women's Bathroom!! Awkward! Starting tomorrow my privacy will no longer be violated b/c I'm heading to Passe Catabois in northern Haiti! Though I will miss those random entertaining moments, that cross all personal boundaries! I know I have a flare for the dramatic but these stories are completely true and unexaggerated!!!
I'm sad to be leaving Port Au Prince! It has been challenging and interesting to see a different side of Haiti, and witness disaster relief! But I am ready to go to Passe Catabois, to be part of the community there, and to just get settled! I love PC because I get to know the patients, and my neighbors; here I am mostly surrounded by white people which is weird in Haiti!
My thoughts as I leave PAP are this: I do not understand suffering at all, or why it happens!? I am at a loss as to why one house stands, and the next is destroyed! Why Haiti? Its sooooo frustrating, that a place with so little became even more devastated; which I did not think was possible. And how do you go back to normal life after being exposed to all this. I am also completely freaked out by natural disasters, before they were kinda fascinating, and now they are the most horrifying thing I can imagine!!
But the craziest thought I have is that the earthquake may have been the best thing for Haiti! I wish those people had not died, definitely I am haunted by the thoughts of people trapped in the rubble, hoping to be pulled out. I wish that had not happened! But now people do care about Haiti. Haitians have rcv'd better healthcare in the last month than they ever have! And people really care, volunteers are heartbroken by what they see, and want to do more! I think the Haitians know this because the Haitians seem soooo hopeful! Its given me more hope for Haiti than I could have imagined, and most surprisingly hope in the US.
Statistics: Babies delivered - three and 1/2(I got the head, someone else finished), privacy violations- immeasurable; tarantulas seen and killed- 1; malnourished kids- 3; clinics/hospitals worked at- 8; autographs not gotten- 2; current # of bruises on my body- 15; mosquito bites- 0; chocolate consumed- too much to count; patients died- 0(yippee); ice cold showers-28; breakdowns- 2; Anderson Cooper sightings- 0; wounds cleaned- I can't remember I blocked it, b/c I hate wound care!
Funniest/Most Terrifying moment: Totally face planting while trying to run out of the building during the earthquake while being left behind by Lisa and Lisa!!!
What I'll miss the most: the people I got to meet here! So many awesome volunteers, it has been encouraging to be surrounded by people who are enthusiastic about helping Haiti!! And just people who care about other people, thats pretty awesome!!
Tomorrow the new adventure begins with the small plane ride(HATE it), followed by the two hour taptap ride(LOVE it)!! Then I get to meet the German Dr. who I will be working with, I really hope I like him and can filter all my inappropriate German jokes(but I'm part German so its ok if I make them)! Internet will be limited, so don't be offended by my delayed response on email! But since you all have internet that is not an excuse for you to not email me!

The Plan

2010-03-05T14:38:00.000-08:00

Lisa our third musketeer left us today to go back to PA!! PAP is not the same without her, we already miss her!!! The hospital in Passe Catabois is open, and Annemarie arrived in Passe Catabois this past week. So we have decided to head north on Tuesday March 9th! We have spent a month in PAP and are ready to head back to our real home in Haiti!! Excited to see everyone we know, and get settled back into our routine in northern Haiti. Not gonna lie I'm really excited to have my own toilet, adn shower, and bedroom! Though I love people and could talk pretty much 24/7 even I have reached the point of craving alone time and some privacy. Yesterday, a woman wanted to share a shower stall with me and that was pretty much the straw that broke the camel's back! We take 3min showers! Could I have 3min to wash by MYSELF! I really don't think that is asking too much here! I've been here a month I need those 3min ALONE!! Plus that is just really weird, and sooooo unnecessary!!
But the truth is I think the devastation is really getting to me! Its frustrating and just really sad to be here! I know that I need a change of pace because I am not smiling thru the day's anymore! The last thing the Haitians need is a sad nurse! Its just that the hospitals and clinics are sooooo disorganized. And there are definitly some high maintenance volunteer groups who have started to get on my nerves! I've heard them complaining about the food etc when they are here for 6days and surrounded by people who have nothing!! Shut up people!!! My patience has grown thin!! Plus I just pass these houses that are flat as a pancake, and wonder what has happened to those families!! Why them, why that house? Even if they lived will they ever be the same?
On that note Passe Catabois here we come!!!
Thanks for all the notes of encouragment! I'm sorry my last blog was depressing! My blog is like a diary, and I do not filter it! But I am feeling better so nobody worry about me! Plus I have Ryna with me, and she kicks my butt when needed and cheers me up when I am sad!!

Worst Week

2010-03-01T16:55:00.000-08:00

I know I should be positive on my blog but I need to complain hard core! I had a horrible week! Monday started off with us going back to the same hospital, except our driver got lost going there and coming back! We spent over 4hrs in the car, and were more than 2hrs late for work! Not a good Monday. But it turned really bad b/c in the middle of the night we had two earthquakes. The first one woke me up b/c my cot was rocking back and forth!! Also, I heard someone screaming, and someone else calling out to Jesus. Which always freaks me out b/c I think that means it must be the end of the world. But I fell back asleep. And was awoken to chaos. My true friend Ryna was suddenly telling me to run. I turned my head and saw my friend Lisa from Crossworld, and my other friend Lisa who is a firefighter from Portland running out the door! I just want to point out they did not tell me to run, and totally left me behind!! I have tried to remind them of this several times!! So I start to run while still in my sleeping bag and make it about half way across the room before I body slam the ground! I frantically scrambled to get out of the bag. We are staying on the second floor of a building that has a cement roof!!! Anyway, I made it out but it was one of those moments where u realize that if it comes down to survival of the fittest I will not be one of the ones to make it out alive!!! Of course my friend Ryna was also tripping on the floor right behind me! We now have matching bruises!! It seriously was really really scary, like one of the scariest moments of my life similar to rafting the Nile!! Everyday we are seeing houses flat as a pancake, seeing people with amputations, and hearing about people dying! And then the thought that could happen to me was soooo scary, I have a new level of symathy for the Haitians. The next day I moved into a tent!!! Tuesday we were at a ministry run by a church that collapsed with 50people in it during the earthquake. Ten made it out alive, everyone else is still buried in the rubble.
Then Tuesday and Wednesday, one of my favorite teams, the Portland Firefighters left which was really sad for me! They were very entertaining!!
Wednesday we went out to a clinic on the beach which I actually really enjoyed. We stayed until Sat. evening. The doctors we worked with were awesome. They let me deliver multiple babies which I loved! Of course I was on a stroll with one of my patients and she bent down to pee, and I noticed her straining. I looked down and saw the head of the baby. She delivered right there in a squatting position. These Haitian ladies like to keep me on my toes, I turn my back and the next second they are popping the head out. I have not had a baby but I am pretty sure you are aware when the head is coming out of you, would it be too much to ask for these women to just give me a heads up and say hey I think I am pushing a head out right now??
Friday night I was delivering a baby, and the baby ended up being dead. The cord was wrapped around its neck. It was completely horrifying, and traumatizing for the mom and me! It was so sad she was about 8mo pregnant and has just seen the doctor the day before. He had done an ultrasound and said the baby was good, the heart was good, and she was having a girl. She ended up having a baby boy who had been dead for some time. Horrible. Then outside we had a women who was about 5months pregnant had a miscarraige and delivered the fetus. Seriously within an hr of each other. It was sooooo sad, and something I wish I had not experienced.
Then the rest of the night I was on call and spent almost the entire night awake and had to work the entire next day. It was really rough! I'm exhausted and starting to feel a little burnt out!! I am just feeling discouraged, and really hope this next week will be better!! Sometimes life is just too horrible and the things that happen are too sad! This is definitly a week in which I say, this is my life? Am I strong enough for this? And do I really want to be part of this or do I just want to go home be comfortable and pretend this is not a reality?? I'm still here though, lets hope this next week goes better!

2010-02-21T18:16:00.000-08:00

Honestly, its hard to remember what even happened this week to blog about! Monday and Tuesday I was back at the same hospital, and by Tuesday we needed to change it up and go to a new place the hospital was too exhausting. Both days I had to take care of the 32wk baby who would randomly stop breathing which was traumatizing. He was transferred to a different hospital where they can take better care of him! Wednesday we went to the Crossworld campus which has turned into a tent city. We were suppossed to see a few people, and have a MD with us. Of course we saw about 150 people and had no MD. So we got to play doctors which is actually not fun; its a lot of pressure and you feel like you are doing everything wrong! But we saw everyone who needed to be seen! Then Thursday we went to a different clinic all day. It was well run, and pretty low key. Its been interesting to see all the types of organizations out there right now. Friday I pulled a double shift at night. So I arrived at work at 5 and left at 9:45 in the AM. It was a long night. It included a women who was miscarrying having a major hemorrhage and almost dying. We had to give her a blood transfusion, something I have not done in the states! Her brother donated the blood, he was a match but of course we had no time or capability to test it for diseases so lets hope his blood was clean. Then later that night one of the babies had three seizures, and was choking. I saw it and tried to suction it out! Not cool at all. But the baby is ok!! Then in the morning my friends who were working in the ER had to take care of the father of one of the volunteer nurses. 67yo man who came to volunteer with his nurse daughter. Friday night he gets a fever of 105.6, can't figure out what is wrong and he almost dies. He was airlifted to the USS Comfort. We don't know what happened. Keep him and his family in your prayers.
And of course pray for Haiti. We have had some rain this week, and you think about those people out there with notihng. More rain is coming, and it will be ugly.
One last crazy note, tonight Sean Penn was walking around our campus. He is living in a tent and working with a program to feed children!! I was too nervous to talk to him, but I did walk past and stare.

2010-02-14T16:06:00.000-08:00

Today we had the day off; which was much needed! Yesterday I hit the wall I could not work another day! So my week in review will be short because I can't even remember what happened. All I know is I was the only OB nurse all week with an average of about 9 moms, some laboring, some with babies. I assisted with two deliveries. I am on the unit by myself, no doctors no midwives around. The one midwife on shift is around the building out front in a tent. So I have started prescribing medicines by myself, and also almost delivered a baby by myself. I walked past my laboring patient and saw the head of the baby. Did my patient yell for me? No. Did she make a noise? No. So I see the baby's head and go grab someone to help me. Of course no one is around. Run outside to a tent and ask a peds MD to catch the baby if it drops out while I run to get the midwife. I was halfway around the building when I heard the baby come. Why didn't I send a Haitian nurse to get the midwife b/c the midwife can't speak Creole. The language barrier is really difficult, I'm so glad I can speak Creole but it makes my work twice as hard b/c everyone wants me to translate for them!

If I have a moment of free time I try to help peds which has a Kwashiokor kid, a girl with her eye practically popping out b/c it got hit in the quake and lots of dehydrated babies. One 3mo baby weighing 1.8kg. The scary part is I'm not phased anymore. I just expect it. I always talk about how I want to be a better person. And my goal has been to be a source of joy while I'm here, to go thru the day smiling. But I wonder, am I becoming a better person if I don't bat an eye when I see a kid starving in front of me? And what kind of world are we living in that this even happens?

On a happier note: we are temporarily letting moms stay in tents at the hospital so I don't have to kick people out on the streets, thanks to a Canadian who gave me 8 tents!! Go Canada. I had been keeping track of the moms who had no housing so that I could call all of them when I had tents, which I did!! And I still think the overall mood here is so hopeful, everyone wants to help and is excited! I have not seen the redcross anywhere, nor snakes, nor Anderson Cooper, or Angelina Jolie! I'm still sleeping on the floor, but I did have time to eat lunch one day! Tomorrow I go back to the same hospital since I am the only OB nurse I am feeling like I need to go, but I heard next week more OB nurses come so maybe I will go somewhere else!

Overall the attitude is still so hopeful here! I love being here, I love Haiti, and I love that everyone cares about Haiti now and is soooo enthusiastic!!

Port Au Prince Day 3

2010-02-10T17:32:00.000-08:00

I'm here after an 8hr, beautiful bus ride! Beautiful until PAP, its like one house is completely flattened like a pancake the next has no damage. It is so bizarre, I don"t understand it. There are tent cities everywhere, which are made with sheets etc, and smell so bad, I almost get sick and I'm a nurse!!
I'm working at a hospital that is an hr drive away in the back of a pick up. Day 1 I worked peds! My Creole came back quick bc when no one can communicate with the patients it forces you to do all the interpreting. It was crazy busy day 1. Then day 2 and 3 came which was beyond busy. Um I was moved to OB where I am the only nurse working all day, not cool. I usually have at least 3 patients laboring. And at least 4 who just had c-sections. Plus a few extras like the postpartum lady who has high BP and had seizures. Lets just say I don't eat btwn 6:30 am and 6:30pm. I also only sit in the car. Its ok, I came to work and I am definitely doing that. Plus you can't complain or take a break when everyone around you has so many more problems, I can't imagine. I have already had to send three women home with their newborn babies, and no place to live. Not even a tent. We have nothing to give them. My patient today, it was her 11th baby all her kids are sleeping outside and now she takes the newborn to sleep outside too! I let an 18yo new mom stay two extra nights just bc she was scared and had no place to go. If anyone knows of a group sending tents then network for me please!
The hospital also has a lot of kids with dehydration. There are too many tents to count that are filled with post op orthopedic surgeries like amputations. The entire hospital is pretty much mass chaos!! I have to say though the best part is seeing all the teams. Everywhere we drive we pass groups on their way to projects. And we are living with about two hundred volunteers as well! I just have seen so many people really taking care of the Haitians, I have loved that! And I have to say the most impressive so far have been the French, they have done an amazing job at the hospital!! We are working in peds and OB with a group of Americans who are pretty awesome as well! They leave this weekend with no replacements so far, so pray for help!!
Our home is a school with flushing toilets and we can take a 3min shower which is amazing!! The food has been great! No tarantulas have been seen or killed!! The military is also here, we aren't allowed to talk to them, but we all appreciate the water and internet they are paying for!! Its been hard but I've had moments of just pure joy! There is still laughter and love in Haiti! I can make jokes wiht the patients, babies are still smiling!! And my goal is to keep a smile on my face. The last thing I need to do is stress them out more, and we have to have hope for something better.
Just so everyone knows I feel completely safe here!!

Santo Domingo

2010-02-06T14:42:00.000-08:00

We made it to the DR! It is beautiful, soooo beautiful! And very hot, but its actually kinda nice, except when I am lugging my 130lbs of luggage! That is like 20lbs lighter than last month, so be impressed people!! We have had no problems at all! Tomorrow we are on the bus, and going to Haiti! Its nice to have a day here to relax, and adjust before heading into the disaster zone! But we are all ready and excited to go to work! I have not cried or panicked, I have a peace, so that makes me feel really good! But still keep us in your prayers! If you want an email update since I may not be able to blog please email my parents at martinwarr@comcast.net and ask to be put on the Haiti update list!! As MJ would say, this is it!

Leaving on a jet plane

2010-02-03T23:15:00.000-08:00

Here we go people! Let the chaos begin. I'm leaving Feb. 5th, and heading to Miami, I'll stay the night there. Sat. I fly into the DR and spend the night. Sunday I take a bus into PAP. All with my favorite nurse extraordinaire RYNA!!! Here is the website of where I will be staying: http://quisqueya.org/ I am going with Crossworld. I will be in PAP thru Feb. and maybe longer. I will not have Internet access for the most part, so my blog will be random. But I will be calling my parents and they will send updates. If you want them to update you please email them at martinwarr@comcast.net
Pray!

When?

2010-01-21T23:16:00.000-08:00

The day the earthquake hit Haiti, I was on a plane to Miami when it struck. Of course no planes were going into Haiti so I spent three days in Miami trying to figure out what to do. I apologize for those of you who were worried about me. I have heard that everyone in Passe Catabois is ok. I knew two families in Port Au Prince and they are all alright. Though they did lose their house. Right now I am trying to find a way to volunteer. I have registered with multiple relief groups and hope something will work out. I am heartbroken for Haiti! I dream about Haiti, and am so sad by this tragedy and hope I can go and help soon! I will keep you all posted!

2010-01-07T00:48:00.000-08:00

It has been way too long since my last blog! First of all I want to mention that 5 of the kids in the orphanage were in the top ten in their class which is awesome! Yeah to Emily for spending so much time preparing homework, and teaching the kids. I tried but my teaching skills are pretty much non-existent, I have a whole new respect for teachers!
Also, we had Thanksgiving which was awesome. We had four chickens, and I attempted to slaughter one myself. Unfortunately, I did not completely cut the head off; so there was a lot of blood and a minor freak out by me! We were able to teach the Kenyans and Germans about our holiday, and we all said what we were thankful for! It was really awesome!!
We went to Mt. Kilimanjaro, just to look at it. There was a lot of clouds, so we saw the top and bottom, but it was really gorgeous. We went camping again which was lots of fun!! And we also decided to look for lions on foot. One of my stupidest moments, about a half hour in I realized this was a really bad idea. That was also when we found out there three lions nearby, and we were with one man who had a knife. These are not good odds. And since I already risked my life on safari because of diarrhea I was not about to do it again for no good reason!!
Our second to last week we went to Uganda, which was beyond beautiful. It was a 14hour bus ride to get there, with two toilet stops, one of which was to go on the side of the bus in the road. Seeing as how I am white I already stand out, there is no way I am dropping my pants with an entire busful of people, fortunately I was not having diarrhea that day!!! We went on a chimp hike which was kinda scary because our guides had rifles, and told us it was in case the animals went crazy, and in the park we were in the animals were known to go crazy. I was like please define crazy, in my head I was thinking a chimp was going to come flying at my face. Fortunately, that did not happen. We also rafted the Nile which was class 5 rapids, the highest is class 6 and that is unraftable. So we were doing the craziest rapids there were. When I asked if anyone had died they said not today or yesterday. I basically was hyperventilating from the beginning. Of course our raft flipped on the two longest rapids. Honestly, I thought I was going to die, I was being tossed around like a rag doll underwater. If you want a similar experience, get in a huge washing machine for about 20seconds, come up for air and instead take in a big gulp of water and then get sucked back into the machine. Another shout out to my friend Mathiesen, who had never rafted and can't swim, and my friend Jakob who also had never rafted before. They both decided to start with the biggest rapids possible. I was living with crazies!!
Then it was time to go back and say goodbye to everyone! It was so sad to say goodbye to all the kids, and staff! Really, really sad! But then I decided not to leave, thanks to my purse/passport being stolen 5hrs before my flight. So I had an extended stay in Kenya. The embassy was very nice and helpful. I stayed an extra 5days, I was able to go back to the children's center and see everyone again. It was actually a fun/funny experience, who gets their passport stolen 5hrs before their flight? Um me!! But I was happy because it delayed my leaving Kenya, and I really enjoyed my time there!!!
Now I get ready to leave for Haiti next Tuesday. I am so excited to go with my good friend Ryna, supernurse. Unfortunately, Annemarie the MD is not there, so pray for us as we take on the Dr. role, and pray for AM too!!

Hell's Gate

2009-11-19T05:11:00.000-08:00

Ok first of all, no more bodily fluid stories so everyone can read on without anxiety!! Last weekend we decided to go camping at Hell's Gate a national park in Kenya. Mathiesen, myself and two German boys. Although, I would like to say right up front that Mathiesen and I basically did everything, we took these men to help us but they were useless, I don't think they camp much in Germany. We got to the campsite late on Friday night, it was already dark and as we are setting up our tent, one of the guys yells out look. And up walks a warthog. We later found out this warthog is the campsites, and his name is Paul. Shout out to Paul Cascio, I was offended that a warthog had the same name as you!!! Anyway, so the warthog was slightly freaky. Then in the middle of the night we woke up to hippos making noise. Fortunately, the campsite has an electric fence to keep the hippos out but that is also scary when u think about it!! Next morning, I was in the tent everyone else was at the washing station and Paul walks into the tent with me. It took about 5-10min for me to get him out. He tried to eat everything clothing, glasses, wallets. It was not ok. He also head butted me. I was traumatized but not hurt. Anyway, after this I really did not like Paul. Then we spent the day bicycling thru the park, it was about 2000 degrees but awesome. We biked past zebras, water buffalo, giraffes etc. Fortunately, we did not see lions or cheetahs, which is what the German guys wanted to see. Then we took a 3hr hike thru a gorge. It was so amazing and gorgeous. Loved it. Then Sunday morning we were woken up by monkeys going thru our campsite!! Awesome!! Camping in Kenya with warthogs, hippos and monkeys! I never thought this would be my life, but I love it!! This week the kids have exams, so we are hoping our tutoring, especially Mathiesen's special teaching skills will improve the kids scores!!!

Masai Mara Safari

2009-11-12T05:09:00.000-08:00

Last weekend we went to Masai Mara on our big safari!! It was beyond gorgeous and amazing!! We saw lions and cheetahs, and tons of elephants, giraffes etc!! Honestly, words will not describe what we saw, but we took a lot of pictures so hopefully that will help show how beautiful it was! And I am not going to lie one of my favorite parts was the hot showers! Oh my gosh I have missed those! And my least favorite part was when I had diarrhea in the park. Which meant I had to get out of my safe vehicle, and risk being eaten alive. Added bonus our guide would not let me go in the bushes because a lion had been spotted there so I had to go behind our car! While I was going another safari van pulled up so I had a car full of people with cameras with zoom lenses watching me instead of the animals. After I saw them I ran into the car and made our guide go. The other van pulled up to the spot I had just had diarrhea and everyone got out, and walked around. So I had a group of tourists walking around my pile of diarrhea. Honestly, this could be one of the most embarrassing moments of my life!! I have had diarrhea all week, fortunately I work at a hospital and was able to be tested and I have worms. Unfortunately, I can now see them in my stool so this has not been a good week for me and bodily functions. But I started treatment today!! Yippee! Sorry, that may have been an overshare! But I am a nurse come on!!
Yesterday, I gave every kid at Zebra a tetanus vaccine, which was really hard for me because I love the kids and didn't want to hurt them! But they do not have any of their vaccines and they need them. They all still love me, so it is ok!! Nothing else going on! I am just having a happy week!!

A lot has happened

2009-11-04T03:22:00.000-08:00

First of all on Sat. Emily, Jakob the german, and myself went to an IDP camp for displaced people after the post election violence. People are sleeping on the ground with tarps covering them, when it rains they sleep on the wet ground. They rely on donations for food. The children cannot afford school. Young girls are prostituting themselves just to have some money. It was ridiculous. No human should be living in those conditions. We held a medical clinic and handed out food. Which honestly, just made me feel like an ass because I am here handing out food one day. Its not a solution, but everyone was so thankful. And I did not want to be thanked, I did nothing and I get to go home and eat whatever I want and buy all the clothes I want. This world is seriously messed up.
On Sunday, we had a new girl come to live with us at the center. Her name is Effie, 12yo and she comes from the slums in Nairobi. She is really sweet, and we all love her already!!!
Speaking of me being selfish. On Monday, we rented motorcycles again and did the bike tour to Lake Magadi. It is a 2hour drive thru the Rift Valley, it is amazing. We saw baboons. There were no crashes, except me who fell while walking which was embarrassing. It was a good day! It may have been the stupidest decision I have made, I don't know what made me get on a bike again! But we lived and it was really amazing.
Then yesterday, John the guard at the center got married. So we all went to his wedding which was fun. The ceremony was actually very similar to ceremonies in America. But there was no reception, but they are saving money to have one on another day!
Friday, we leave for the big safari. So this has been an eventful week. Keep us in your prayers that we don't get eaten by a lion on safari!! I am slightly nervous!! Have you seen Ghost in the Darkness?

UM

2009-10-23T08:05:00.000-07:00

The last week was crazy, and not in a good way! Ok Friday, a Cobra, yes I said Cobra was killed in the rocks at our water tank which we use everyday! I do not do snakes! Also, after the Cobra was found I was informed that they have been found in the toilets multiple times, so not only am I trying to poop in a hole but I have to do a full check to make sure a Cobra does not bite my butt. This is so roughing it! :) Saturday morning I woke up and even before I could drink any coffee, I was chosen to be the assistant with helping skin a gazelle that had been killed on our land. Then that night I got sick with a fever, cough, and flu. Tuesday, Emily, the two German guy volunteers myself, and a teacher decided to go on a motorcycle tour to Lake Magadi. Unfortunately, the one German boy crashed his bike because a goat cut him off! He is ok, no broken bones, but he has given me a lot of work this past week changing his bandages everynight! And we never made it to the Lake. But we did spend the day cooking meat at a campsite in the rift valley, while he recovered from his crash. That was really fun, and gorgeous. But it was a scary day. I will not be going on any more moto tours for a while. And my time at the clinic has been not so good b/c I am only see about 1 patient a day. But I have been informed that the staff had a debate about what I should be doing, and starting today I get to rotate around and do everything! So I am excited about that!!! Hopefully, I will get to see more and be more useful!! The kids at the center are excellent, lots of fun and just so sweet. Unfortunately, one of them is now sick with what I had so I am pretty sure everyone will have it soon enough! Hopefully, this next week will be much better!!! But I do love it here, just had a bit of a bad week!! But Emily and I are still laughing so its all good!!

Scorpion

2009-10-10T05:01:00.000-07:00

First off, I killed a Scorpion this week! He was hanging outside our door trying to break in so I had to kill him!! Most importantly, I had such a good week! I found a clinic to work at, it is a Catholic hospital! I will work there in the mornings, then they take lunch at 12:30 and I will head home to be with the kids! I really hope I like it, I am just excited to be doing something. Although they were like you need to learn Swahili, which is a little intimidating, it is a hard language. The week with the kids was really good, they are entertaining, and I am loving the German volunteers. Ok the big event of the week was going to the clinic on Thursday. Where I had diarrhea about 3 times. I made a really good impression. The toilet was of course a hole, with no tp and I had about 10 squares for 3 rounds of diarrhea. It was rough! We headed back to zebra with a truck with hay for the cows. We got home at about 8, and we unloaded the hay. Afterwords the truck driver realized he locked his keys in his car. And I was not there, but after about 15min I heard what happened, and went out there and taught everyone how to break into a car!! And it worked! It was really funny! Everyone was questioning how I knew how to do it, and was very impressed by my work! Fortunately, about a month ago my mom had locked her keys in the car with the car running, and my aunt taught me how to break in. It did not work on my mom's car but it did work here in Kenya! So everything has a purpose. The next day EM and I went to the kids' school and observed. Where one of the German boys told everyone I broke into a car the night before which was embarrassing. But one of the teachers made Mathiesen teach two of her classes. I seriously would have died, I was very thankful I was not a teacher at that moment. Just walking in and being forced to teach. So embarrassing, but she did really well. So that was our interesting week. Yesterday the Germans, Em and I all came to Nairobi and went out for dinner. So it has been a good week! I am really loving it, and am excited to start at the clinic!!

Zebra Village

2009-10-04T02:30:00.000-07:00

I am sorry for my delayed updates everyone! Monday we moved out to the orphanage called Zebra village. There are 13 children ages 6-15. There are also 3 German volunteers, who we really like! And two Kenyan staff, who we also really like. So we are loving the community at Zebra! I have even embraced the hole for a toilet. It is actually nice b/c it is private, and it will never clog. The only problem is it really starts smelling about mid-day when it is really hot. The outdoor shower is actually really nice! So though we thought the accommodations would be rough we like them a lot! The only bad thing is that water is so limited. We are having a major drought here which is killing people and animals. And the tanks ran out at the children's center, so we had to pay to have them refilled. You don't realize how much we take water for granted. It is so important. It is hot where we are which is about 1hr outside of Nairobi. But there is a good wind, which makes it bearable, I actually get very cold at night. I need a big bulky sweater. We are basically in the middle of nowhere. In order to catch a matatu which is the public transportation we have to walk 20min to get to the road. Then we catch the matatu which is basically a VW van stuffed with about 20 people. It is a special experience. I really appreciate the tap taps in Haiti b/c at least u have good airflow. The matatus move very slow so usually it takes about 2hrs to get to Nairobi by matatu. But they are very cheap which is nice.
So far we have been helping the kids with their homework, and developing individual homework for each of them to help them improve in school. I am hoping to start working at a clinic soon in the mornings and then work with the kids in the afternoons! They need a lot of one on one time b/c they have btwn 50-60kids in their class with one teacher. Also, many of the kids at the center started school late so we have an 11yo in kindergarten. It is fun creating homework for each of them, and seeing their improvement. Although, I have a new appreciation for teachers b/c it is hard to teach division and other things. How do you explain a fraction, and then if you explain and they still don't understand what do you do next? I am very thankful I came with a teacher!
So far I had a monkey on my head, and I have seen Zebras and an ostrich! My spider killing techniques have not been put to use, their are basically no spiders or mosquitoes. We heard there are snakes and I am hoping to never see one!!

Monkeys

2009-09-26T04:00:00.000-07:00

Today we went to a park filled with monkeys who would jump on you! So I was working around with a monkey on my head! It was a combo of fun and terror! They kinda went crazy when u pulled out a peanut, they would literally pry open my hand, which made me uncomfortable! And one went digging around in my pocket which was violating! These monkeys were about the size of cats some small some big! Yesterday, we went out to see the orphanage which will be where we are living. It is nice, there are 13kids, and four staff members living there. The staff is really nice, we did not get to meet the kids b/c they were at school. The shower is an outside stall with no roof, so I can shower under the stars with my flashlight and bucket. The toilet is a hole in the ground! I am not too excited about this, but bonus my legs will be very strong by the end of my 3mo! We were only there a short time, but we move out there on Monday! We also went to visit an HIV outreach program. It is run by volunteers who have a weekly support group, and do home visits each day. I think I will be working with them from time to time so that will be awesome! This afternoon we are going to the rift valley, and tomorrow we will visit a Masai church. More adventures to come later!

Kenya

2009-09-24T00:47:00.000-07:00

I have landed in Nairobi, Kenya! I will be here for 3mo! I am extremely exhausted at this point! 17hrs in the plane, 22 hrs of airport/travel time! 4 suitcases with 50lbs each, two back packs, and two purses all made it here, but carrying up the 4 floors of stairs was not pleasant! Of course you wonder what we brought, we don't even know! Before we carried all that luggage to our room we had dinner at David's house the man who is hosting us! We are living in his office, it has beds, toilet, shower (which in my opinion has ice water coming thru the spout, my friend Emily liked it but I was in a silent scream of torture the entire shower), and its just down the road! With dinner he gave us chicken blood juice to drink, there were some points I almost threw up, but since it tasted really good I was able to drink it all! Later he told us it was fruit juice, so I am not as hard core as I thought! But I can already tell I am in for an adventure with this guy, he is really nice and a joker so there will be some fun times! So far we have been to the internet cafe and supermarket which was huge, and I spotted ice cream so I am already beyond excited! Tomorrow we go and visit the orphanage, and some places we might be working! I will keep you posted!

Haiti: Final Thoughts

2009-08-31T17:07:00.000-07:00

I am back in the US. I have been home for 2wks. I leave for Nairobi, Kenya on Sept. 22. So my blog will resume after I am in Kenya. I just wanted to give one final update. First of all my trip to the airport is worth noting. I woke up at 5am, did hospital rounds one last time, ran home cleaned and then got on my ride. Which was a motorcycle, not a big one a small one. The driver held my duffle bag btwn his legs, directly in front of his face which was not comforting. At one point, he hit the breaks and I slammed into his shoulder which resulted in my getting a bloody lip. So I am smelling gas, breathing in lots of dust, and swollowing my own blood. After about an hour of me praying and thinking I was going to die, we got on a small row boat pulled across the river by a man. Back on the moto, to the airport where I then took a small plane to Port Au Prince. It was quite the adventure, and I arrived in the city smelling not to great, and covered in dirt, my hair was a different color, my skin had a layer of dirt as did my teeth. I was a hot mess. Ok updates: when I left, NeNe the malnourished girl was doing much better, she lost 10lbs of swelling in one week which was amazing. Dada, the malnourished 11mo was able to go home. Dieselmet was smiling. So the malnourished children are doing well. Sandra is also doing well, she had a good vacation with AM. AM emailed me and told me that one of the patients, a 22yo male left the hospital and went to a witch doctor, where he died. It is frustrating and disappointing, especially when we have been trying to help someone and then they go to a witch doctor and die. There are so many battles in Haiti. It is always frustrating to be back in the US, where the excess is ridiculous, and where we waste so much time with pointless activities. And whenever I come home I am reminded of how lucky we are, and how people here would not die of malnutrition, no one dies at the house of a witch doctor, and people here can get treatment for high BP or cancer etc. Why do so many die there, and we have so much, why would God allow such injustice. I recently read a quote, "It is said of God that no one can behold his face and live. I always thought this meant that no one could see his splendor and live. A friend said perhaps it means that no one could see his sorrow and live. Or perhaps his sorrow is his splendor." Nicholas Wolterstorff. It is comforting that God is crying with me, and that gives me strength and He is my hope.

2009-08-13T13:55:00.000-07:00

I forgot to mention that last week I also removed a finger from a woman who had 11 fingers. I also had a coca-cola with AM everyday. It made the heat bearable, and it was so fun! I really admire her so much, and am so grateful to have spent so much time with her. The other day we had a man in the clinic who had 11 wives, and 28 children. He actually complained about having a headache. Um seriously, you don't know why you have a HA? This week as Dr. on call has gone pretty well, I have been seeing a lot of patients so I am pretty exhausted. But nothing too intense has happened. Except for a kid swallowed a huge seed, like the size of a small plum. But he is ok! I am still feeding the cow 4x a day, and have tried to remove more worms from the dog 2x, but he keeps running. I continue to take the kids at the hospital milk, and they have been improving so much! I actually saw Dieselmet smile today! If I could do a backflip I would do one! I leave Saturday. I am so sad to be leaving! I really love it here! I am going to miss it so much. Tears have been shed. This place has my heart! I have been frustrated, happy, mournful, and joyful. Usually multiple times a week! But I really love it here, and love that God brought me here!

2009-08-09T14:33:00.000-07:00

The last week has been a little wild. I can barely remember what happened. Two of the nurses at the clinic have not been working, Miss Fofo just had a baby who on Thursday was hospitalized b/c she has a respiratory infection. Also, last weekend Miss Tonie had an episode of high BP, and was having a hard time seeing. She went to the hospital and then when that did not work she unfortunately went to the house of a witch doctor which is where she is now. I was supposed to leave Haiti on Monday, and AM and Rob where going to go on vacation yesterday. AM and Rob where going to cancel there vacation b/c one nurse cannot run the clinic, so I decided to stay another week and help out. So now I am leaving on Sat. August 15th. It was a busy week, on Tuesday the group left, and then in the afternoon Jeb, who is fun, gentle giant came to visit. It was nice to have an encouraging visitor. Wednesday, I performed a hydrocele(testicle filled with water) operation. For some reason I thought I would be a very clean surgeon, and did not put scrubs on. I ended up getting sprayed with the water in the man's testicle, it was not ideal! Then I had to work on a three yo boy who had a wound in his mouth above his front teeth, in his gums. He had a cut and somehow he got maggots in it. So I had the most disgusting task of removing five huge maggots. I would like to take back a previous statement that removing the worms from the dog was the closest I came to vomiting it definitely is now removing maggots from the boy's mouth. Then Thursday, I had to remove the worms from the dog again. AM left yesterday, so once again I am MD on call. So keep me in your prayers, I am feeding the cow 4x a day, plus giving the kids milk and seeing patients. The saving grace is that AM took little Sandra so I can sleep through the night, but I do miss my little peanut! Anyway, keep the clinic, nurses, and me in your prayers!

NeNe

2009-08-02T15:59:00.001-07:00

Sunday August 2nd. Sorry everyone, I have not been updating my blog very well. But I have a good excuse. It has been chaos here. Wed-Sat night I did not get home until after 9pm. Wednesday we had an ambulance which was about 30 people carrying a man on a bed. He had a major infection his eyes were dripping pus, a rash all over his body, and his mouth was bleeding. So we had to try to help him, and admit him to the hospital. Then Thursday while AM was performing surgery, I delivered a baby in the next room by myself which was pretty exciting. We also had another Kwash kid come, she is 3yo. She is the most swollen kwash kid I have seen. She hates the milk and literally screams out to God for help as I force her to drink it, I usually have to walk out because it is so awful. I know that God loves her, and I am doing this out of love but I don’t think she knows that. How can I express that to her? Also, her mom has started slapping her swollen legs if she doesn’t drink. Which is so heartbreaking. I don’t know what to do because she needs the milk, this is life or death, but then also I don’t want her to suffer and be tortured either. Malnutrition is so inhumane, I cannot believe it even exists honestly. This is so wrong on so many levels. Thursday night we had another ambulance, I actually can’t remember exactly what happened. I am so tired, I think it was a moto accident. Then Friday I delivered another baby by myself, with AM in the next room. And Friday night we had to do emergency surgery because one of the surgery patients was still bleeding. Sat. was ok but then Sat night an 18yo with severe anemia came. So we had to get her set up at the hospital. I am beyond exhausted but I have also realized I love it here, I love what I am doing, I love that I finally feel like I am in the right place, and that I can really serve God and do something to show His love. Of course it is also completely frustrating, and heartbreaking but even with that my heart is full.

2009-08-02T15:58:00.000-07:00

Wednesday July 29th. I need to clarify, there is a medical reason that I cut the man’s testicle off. Someone actually questioned if there was a reason why I did it. Everyone should know that we are here to help people, and not torture people or do things for fun. Ok moving on. I spent last Thursday treating the Americans who are here. Kaitlyn who is one of the girls who came for the month had a small abscess in her armpit which I tried to pop. Then there were two guys here for the summer helping another missionary and one of them had a blister in between his toes that was infected. So I spent about 2hrs trying to get all the pus out. Then every night after that I had to work on Kaitlyn’s abscess and check on his foot. I can’t escape work here, fortunately/disturbingly we had a lot of fun doing it. The girls left this morning and we had a new group come yesterday afternoon from Louisiana. The baby had a good week. She is precious and cries like a normal baby every few hours, which I appreciate. The cow also had a good week, she is getting big and is now tied up so she can’t hurt me anymore. Unfortunately, one of the dogs had a bad week, he was bit and his wound had maggots growing in it. So I spent some time this afternoon picking about 30maggots out. I am so not a vet, and hope to never have to do that again. It’s the closest I have come to throwing up in Haiti.

Sandra

2009-07-23T12:39:00.000-07:00

Wednesday, July 22. On Monday before I even got to the clinic AM had taken a baby home with here, a 1mo named Sandra. Sandra’s mom had died, and also her twin sister. Her father was unable to care for her. We found out that our patient with HIV and the leg wound died on Sunday at home. Yesterday, was not a good day. It started off well. Our TB patients who came into the clinic were doing well. Also, during surgery I had the task of removing a man’s testicle, it was not pretty. It is all women working in the clinic, and unfortunately the number one reason for surgery is a male problem. AM does a lot of vasectomies, and hydroceles. Needless to say as ladies we have had multiple situations that have caused us to laugh, so we had some fun during the surgery. After the surgery I went out to feed the cow. The cow proceeded to head butt me, in which my skirt got caught on his head and he basically caused me to flash a few people. I did not find it funny. Then we had another malnourished child come to the clinic. 11mo, girl. I took her to the hospital gave all 3 children milk, and then went to pick up the baby. I forgot to mention that AM argued(in a loving way) for a while over who would care for the baby. Anyway, we are sharing custody, so Monday night she stayed with AM. And Tuesday was my night with her. I picked up the baby and on the way to my house she vomited all over me. I got home ate dinner, and then got a call from AM that our 4yo malnourished boy Davenson had died, suddenly. I am literally numb at this point. I do not know what is going on, but things have just been very bad the past two weeks. I thought he was doing better, his swelling had decreased, he was talking, and I had just seen him 2hrs before he died. I don’t really have words to describe his death. I do have two positives. One the baby only woke up 3x last night. Of course one of the times was for over 2hrs, but it is an improvement from the other baby I took in April. Secondly, I majorly obliterated a tarantula which was gratifying.

2009-07-19T14:13:00.000-07:00

Thursday, one of patients who has HIV and a huge wound on his leg, and penis went into a coma. He had been at the hospital for a month, and we kept telling the family to take him to get medicine for his HIV which they never did. Thursday, he went into a coma and they took him home to die. I was sad but he was so miserable, most of all I was frustrated that he did not go and get medicine for his HIV. That reminds me the 27yo who I was afraid was going to die, is ok. He has HIV and TB, he has started treatment and is feeling much better. He feels so good that one day I came with some milk for the malnourished babies, I left it on his bed and went into another room, when I came back he had drank the milk. I think he has a little too much energy! Yesterday, I got to the beach, and it was so fun to get away. We took the motorcycles which I really enjoy, except we were trying to fit three adults onto one motorcycle. It was a little too tight for comfort. I did not understand because the Haitians do it all the time, but then I remembered that all of us girls had at least 15lbs on every Haitian. Then at the end I got bounced and burnt my leg on the muffler, which actually really hurt. So I am now thinking that a tap tap with 30 people crammed in is much better! This morning I was woken up and called to the hospital, Mervens the malnourished baby died before I got there. AM and I are like what is going on? People at the hospital seem to be much sicker, and we just have had a lot of people die lately. Keep us in your prayers please!!
Also, an animal update. Um first of all the cow is back! I am not happy about this. He now likes to nibble on my hand or leg, which kinda tickles but is very scary because he has large teeth. On the plus side two tarantulas are dead, and a rat!! The rat was killed by a guy at the hospital who hit is on the head with a rock, which is pretty impressive!! .

2009-07-19T14:12:00.000-07:00

To finish off my week as Doctor, I posted my blogs and then went to the hospital where a 4yo malnourished boy named Davenson was waiting for me. I was like are you kidding me right now?? He is a fighter, he does not like me, and really does not like it when I force feed him the milk. Tuesday and Wednesday morning I was greeted with bodily fluids from Dieselmet. Tuesday he had diarrhea everywhere, Wednesday he threw up everywhere. Both days I had to give him a bath which he did not appreciate, and it wasn’t that fun for me either. Did I mention that both days that was the first room I went into when I started my day. I am so thankful I get to drink coffee here! Then Wednesday afternoon we had an 11mo malnourished baby come in, named Mervens. I placed a tube in his nose and was giving him milk through the tube. So this has definitely been a week of force feeding children, the malnourished babies are ruling my life right now. I feel that all I do is make milk, and then force feed it; which is pretty much my least favorite thing ever, it is pretty horrible but I keep reminding myself this will save their life!

A rough week

2009-07-12T14:01:00.000-07:00

Friday and Saturday. This is gonna be long. AM is out of town. I go to work Friday morning, and see an entire family of 5 for consultations which I am not supposed to be doing but there was an old man who could not pee, and I had to help him. Then I go to the hospital to do my morning rounds. At noon a man is brought in who is having trouble breathing. He is 27yo and is very weak. I have him stay at the hospital. Then off to force feed the Dieselmet After that I go back to check on the man who is now not making sense, and is very out of it. I tell them they need to go to the hospital now. But they want to wait till the morning, Rob tells them they have to go but then they can’t catch a tap tap. Rob says he will get them on a tap tap first thing in the morning. I then start to head home, and get called to the clinic where I have to stitch a wound on a 3yo boy. I get home at 8 at night. Then return to the hospital with the girls who are at the house to pray for the 27yo man. Thinking that he is going to die in the night, he is cold, having fevers, and not making sense.
I arrive Sat morning and the man is there, alive, but he is not going to go to the hospital he wants to wait for AM who is returning Sunday. I start to tell him he has to go, but then I get called in another room to help Robenchley the baby with HIV whose dad has three wives. He looks like death, his cheeks and eyes are sunken in. I try not to completely freak out. Every time I get an IV in him the vein blows, he is vomiting black stuff. I put a NG tube in and give him fluids that way, and pay for them to take a motorcycle to the hospital in the city. I then try to put an IV in the 27yo man, and figure out what medicine I can give him. I can’t start an IV, so I take a break, it is 4 in the afternoon I have not eaten or sat down all day. While I am at home on my break eating, AM calls me and tells me that Robenchley died 30min after getting there. AM stayed with Bennet the mom, and comforted her. Then I get called back to the clinic to help another elderly man who cannot pee. Followed by putting the IV in the 27yo and starting him on some medicine. I got home at 10 pm. These two days have been hell. I am so heartbroken. I could not feel more helpless than I do right now. I feel like this place fell to pieces the second I was put in charge. I feel like this 27yo is going to die and I can’t do anything. I feel like the baby died because of me, I could not get the IV going, and I waited too long I should have sent him to the hospital right away. This was a baby I have seen every day for the last three months, I loved this baby and I loved his family, and I failed them.
To end on a brighter note, Dieselmet swelling has started to go down, and he is talking. He does my rounds with me, he seeks me out which is the sweetest thing. Next week will be better, hopefully more stories involving tarantulas dying! By the way, since the girls have been here 2 more tarantulas have been killed! Yippee! Also, the baby cow is gone!!!!!!!!

Dieselmet

2009-07-12T13:55:00.000-07:00

Monday was a horrible day. A malnourished boy c Kwash came in to the clinic. His whole body was swollen. He is 2yo, named Dieselmet, his mom came with him, she is pregnant and her husband just died about 4mo ago. AM was not sure if we should even keep him at the hospital or send him home to die b/c he was so swollen. It did not look good, but AM and I talked and I really wanted to try and give him this special Unicef milk. While I was running around in the 1000 degree weather trying to make milk for the boy and admit him to the hospital with a new TB patient. I had a woman come up and start telling people that her son was just as sick as Dieselmet and that we did not help him. Even though I have been seeing her son every two weeks and he is gaining weight, I also give him milk and usually money when I see them. She then camped outside my house demanding I help her. I seriously almost lost my mind. I was so frustrated that she would start telling other people that we weren’t taking care of her, and be so demanding after seeing that severely malnourished boy. Then I got to go and force feed the malnourished boy, which was horrifying. He was screaming and crying for his mom, who was threatening to beat him or leave him so that he would take the milk. How do you reason with a 2yo, how do you explain that if you don’t drink this milk you will die. Staring at him makes me want to cry, scream, break something, and then throw up. How do I tell him that this is an injustice, that he doesn’t deserve this, that he lovable, and that it’s not his fault he got dealt a shitty life.

2009-07-04T14:20:00.000-07:00

This has been a great week. I am back to my hospital rounds, I was able to do some stitches again, help deliver some babies, killed a major tarantula, same old same old. I have found my rhythm in this oppressive heat, and with being the only nurse. It has been hard trying to live up to my friend Ryna, supernurse, but I am at least getting the work done. We have had a couple of rough baby deliveries, but everyone has been ok. We had two 16yo’s admitted this week for TB, one of them weighing 73lbs. The group at the hospital is very fun, and I am enjoying their company a lot. Friday, three girls came from the states to host a kids camp for the summer. I am excited to have some company. Except when I went to clean their room before they came, lurking in the corner of the room under the bed was a huge tarantula. I killed it, but nearly had stroke in the process. It was pretty horrifying, this huge hairy spider hiding under the bed. But he is dead now. We also have another animal hanging around. AM is helping a woman take care of her baby calf. The calf’s mother died, so we are now giving the calf some milk. I never thought I would be feeding a calf in Haiti, but here I am. It sounds cute, but really it is not. The calf thinks me and AM are his moms so he follows us around, and likes to head butt us. Today he stepped on both of us multiple times, so I am officially over this cow. All I can say is the adventures never end here.

Updates

2009-07-01T17:10:00.000-07:00

Now for some updates. The hospital has mostly TB patients. It is a really good group. We had one dehydrated baby, and a set of twin boys who weigh 3.5lbs. I still have a still of my old friend in the hospital so that has been fun. I had quite the upset with Robenchly. One day his dad came, and he brought his two other kids that he had with with his other wife. He wanted Benette (Robenchlys mom) to watch the kids b/c their mom had died. So now she has a 6mo, 12mo, and two 4yrs. He left them to go work and spend time with his third woman. Also, we just sent them to the other hospital and the 12mo baby has HIV too. There are not words as to how upsetting this is for me. Fortunately he has not been back. Even more fortunately for him I don’t speak Creole well enough to say what I want to say to him. Last Tuesday we had a pregnant woman come in with a diabetic coma. Of course we don’t have insulin in Haiti. We gave her an NG tube and crushed up some oral diabetic medication. The baby had already died during the night, then the family decided to take the patient home to die, and she died on the way home. Once again could have been an easy fix if we had supplies. Then Sat. morning I helped AM deliver a baby. Afterwards the mom had a HA and we realized she had high BP. We gave her a shot c BP medicine and had her lie down. 12hrs later she had a seizure and went comatose. She is still in the hospital in the city, we don’t really know how she is doing. The pregnant ladies are giving us problems so keep us and them in your prayers!

Family

2009-07-01T17:09:00.000-07:00

Ok the dream of having internet is officially over. It will not happen. Back in Haiti. I came with my mom and sister which I knew would be an adventure and is was. Unfortunately it started off with a lot of obstacles like one bag not making it to Haiti, and none of the other bags making it to the house until 4days after we had been there. Fortunately the bags came b/c my mom was able to show AM some lab work she can do which will be so helpful. We had a fun week, we got to go to river, the market, on some walks etc. I would like to point out that this was my moms first trip outside of the US and she came to Haiti, she needs major props for that!! She only had one major spider freak out. My mom and I had twin beds pushed together sharing one mosquito net. In the middle of the night I had to pee so I went to grab my headlamp and accidently grabbed my mom’s back. She started screaming that there was a spider on her and tried to physically claw her way out of the mosquito net. It was really funny. By the end of the week she was killing spiders for me which was nice. My sister did a super good job of not puking when she saw blood or other gross things. I was very worried about that! But she loved it, and she also was the baby whisperer. I have to admit I found this annoying b/c Robenchly always cries when I hold him but with her he didn’t. And all the babies loved her. Not fair! I’m so glad I got to share this experience with them! Now my whole family has spent time in Haiti!!

I'm not in Haiti for 3 wks

2009-06-08T16:24:00.001-07:00

I hope everyone is aware that I left Haiti for 3 weeks to attend my sister's college graduation, and my cousin Sam's HS graduation!! Congrats to both, I am proud of both of them! I leave again for Haiti on June 18th with my mom and my sister. So don't really expect anything interesting on the blog for 3 weeks. But expect some chaos and good stories as I introduce my mother and sister to the world of sweating, spiders and babies!

I did want to let everyone know that one of the mystery babies Robenchely, who is 6mo and weighs 9lbs was diagnosed with HIV on Friday. I was really heartbroken! This is a baby I held and kissed everyday, and I had so much hope that we were helping him. I am thankful we know what is wrong with him, but so sad that it is HIV. It is so frustrating to have been working with him, and trying to help him for 2mo and then finding out we guessed wrong the entire time. All those efforts, and we were completely on the wrong path. I think that diagnosis hit all of us really hard, so please keep praying for encouragement, wisdom, and strength. The picture I am posting is me with Robenchely and Eli, the baby I took care of for 2wks. Eli is the bigger one on the right.

2009-05-21T12:50:00.000-07:00

Tuesday May 19th. Still no internet. Ryna and I were just talking about how things have been really heavy here. Today we had three kids come to the clinic who were malnourished, and 2 hadn't eaten since Sunday. It is heartbreaking. But even after that, when we weren't finished with surgery until 4:00, I was complaining about how hungry I was. Even surrounded by malnourishment I am still so selfish. I mean I have seriously put a lot of thought into whether or not our chocolate supply will last us until we leave. It is just unfathomable to see this kind of hunger! It is hard too because since we are white everyone walks up and tells us they are hungry, or they want us to give them something. It is hard to know whether people are being honest. But I said today, whether the parents of those children have money or not if a kid tells me they are hungry I have to believe that. My only response is to feed them, because I think that is what Jesus wants. The problem is we are surrounded by it, how do you help everyone? We can't, so that means it is in our hands to decide who has the greatest need. Its really hard, unfair, unjust, discouraging, maddening, saddening, and overwhelming. Are there any millionaires reading this because I have a cause, and the cause is Haiti?!

2009-05-21T12:46:00.000-07:00

Monday May 18th. First of all yesterday was awesome. Because I wanted to make a meal for everyone at the hospital. And there was something at our house that we had a ton of, that apparently no one can leave the US without bringing, do you know what it is? Top Ramon. So we made it for everyone at the hospital and they loved it!! It was fun! And on our way home the skies opened up and we got drenched, soaked to the core! But yippee, the drought is over. Then today we got to the clinic and there was a boy with severe respiratory distress. We tried to sedate him but he was so anxious that even with more than an adult does of analgesia he would not sleep. AM said she couldn't do it because if she tried to intubate him and his throat closed she would need to do a tracheotomy, which she does not know how to do. I have to give a shout out to my dad, and Phil Barttels because they have said for years that they are ready and willing to do a trach and we needed them today. I don't want to be high maintenance but we are seriously having an animal situation. We have rats, and they were eating our dried milk so we hid it. And now they are mad, knocking stuff off our counters at night. Also, today when we got home we found 6 tarantula babies crawling on the outside wall of our house. We killed all of them. Then at night, I saw mamabear, and she was ugly. I then tried to kill her with a rock, and it did not work. So now I have a tarantula out to kill me, and rats sending threatening messages every night. It is an uncomfortable feeling, but I have to admit I am feeling pretty hardcore. Probably everyone who knows me, including myself, would never have predicted me spending my nights attempting to kill tarantulas. All I can do is laugh!

Chaos and Spiders

2009-05-13T15:34:00.000-07:00

Wednesday, May 13th, still no internet. Ok I had to write really fast about what happened yesterday. To start off with I woke up at 4am to go to the bathroom and there was a spider sitting on the toilet seat. Of course I was practically comatose so I was unable to kill the spider, and it went and hung out at the base of the toilet which was not ideal. Later, Ryna saw three legs poking out from under the toilet seat, which is just wrong. I should have known that a crazy day was upon me. I started off morning rounds at the hospital where I had to say goodbye to my baby Eli. He has gone to live with his aunt, he is eating, smiling and laughing!! I will miss him. After that I went to the clinic and walked in on a delivery of twins(my favorite) except the first was breech which is a bad thing. But everything went well(he was 10lbs); until the second baby came out and she was not breathing. AM and I had to CPR for an hour before she started breathing on her own, it was so scary. Then at about noon we had a 28day old baby come in with a fever of 108.0. No you did not read that wrong! 108.0, we gave her medicine and tried to cool her down, after about half hour she was at 107.2 It was insanity, I don’t even know how she is alive, I had never heard such a thing. She felt like she was literally on fire. So yesterday was kind of a miracle baby day. But who knows how those babies will be in the long run, I did not feel victorious. After the clinic we got home at about 5:30, ate something and ran to the hospital for evening rounds which we did not finish until 8:30. Then to top the day off, both Ryna and I had spiders inside our bed nets. Mine was a baby tarantula the size of a big cockroach. I said I had to kill him because he looked like Satan himself coming to get me. It was very scary. Then we killed the one in Ryna’s bed, as we were doing that I saw another one running around inside my mosquito net. After we killed that one we found another one on our table. Needless to say we were under attack, and it was not how we wanted to end the day. Then today, we started off at the hospital and we said goodbye to Anide, the baby who had no life in her, she is also smiling and wanting to eat. Yippee. We are down to one mystery baby!!! Then we went to the clinic where we had another woman deliver twins, both boys, and the second one was breech! But both are doing well, they are the mom’s 9th and 10th kid. All I can say is chaos and spiders.

2009-05-13T15:33:00.000-07:00

Monday May 11th still no internet!! It is getting annoying at this point. But we did have rain last night which was awesome! Also, last Friday, Ryna and I got to go the beach c a group that was visiting some missionaries here. While at the beach Ryna stepped on something which stung her foot. The group said we had to pee on it. Although the group was all men, I ended up being the one to pee on her foot; the guys refused! It was seriously so funny, and difficult. And of course the pee did not work so it was a wasted effort, but we are beyond bonded at this point! Then Sunday we went on a long walk and reflected on our lives; and the fact that neither of us know what the heck we are doing! Later we took all the kids from the hospital on a walk, it was a surprise for Ryna because I had arranged a donkey ride for her! She really wanted to ride a donkey before she left, so I was pretty proud that I hooked her up! Also, never thought I would be arranging donkey rides. Today, my little buddy, Muto left which makes me super sad, and last Thurs. the kid who tried to pee on me left as well! My rat pack is dwindling. This morning at the clinic we started off by popping an abcess on a 4yo neck. Followed by a woman who brought her 3yo twins in. They are not walking, and are malnourished. The boy weighed 6kg, which is 13.2lbs, and the girl weighed 5.4kg which is 11.9lbs. These kids are 3 YEARS OLD, the mom showed us the birth papers. What the heck? There is something crazy going on with them, and of course we don’t know it is so they are our new mystery. But the best part of the day has been Robcheley, the mystery baby, smiled today!! We started him on txm’t for TB, and he is responding!!!! He has gained wgt, and today he smiled! I did a happy dance!!Praise the Lord!

2009-05-07T14:55:00.000-07:00

Ok I forgot to add that my friend Ryna who is here with me, and is beyond amazing is leaving Haiti in three weeks! She has been a mentor and a great friend, a real blessing! Without her I would spend my evenings talking to spiders, and lizards and would have lost my mind already!! She has been here for a year so as you can imagine this is a hard time for her, so if you want to throw out some prayers for her transition and for everyone here who will miss her beyond words! And pray for me that I can come close to living up to her legacy!!

Crazy

2009-05-07T14:52:00.000-07:00

Thursday May 7th, still no internet. So the last week has been somewhat crazy. Friday night the twins died, both of them. I found out Saturday morning, and I was so sad. It was the mom’s first babies and she was really taking good care of them. They had gained weight Friday morning and we were all excited at their improvement. Of course if they had been in the US they probably would not have died. That afternoon I had promised to take the kids on a swim in the river so that cheered me up. Monday was a crazy day at the clinic. In the afternoon Ryna and I removed a tumor the size of a kiwi from a man’s shoulder while AM did a surgery in the next room. It was pretty awesome. Tuesday I washed the babies again, which has somehow turned into me washing all the kids at the hospital so it is a big project. Some of the adult patients are asking me to give them baths too which is getting a little awkward considering they are capable themselves. Then later that night Ryna and I went to leave the hospital which has become a difficult task. We have a few kids who are co-dependent and we have to fight them every time we leave. The one holding my hand’s name is Love and he got ready to pee while standing next to me, which I did not appreciate. I told him not to pee, and then he aimed and tried to pee on me. So I am running from a 7yo trying to pee on me, while Ryna is yelling at him not to. She has her back to our other little friend Onaldo. Suddenly Ryna feels some warm liquid on her foot, and looks down Onaldo had hit her from behind. It was so funny, we tried to act mad but we were both laughing so hard. We had to give them both props for being so gutsy. Obviously, though my attempts to show the kids some love has turned into me getting no respect. Last night we had dinner with some missionaries here, Bruce and Deb they do water systems and construction and they host teams from the US. They had a team of five, and we had dinner and worship with them last night. It was really nice, and I realized how much I miss worship! I go to church here but I don’t understand what is being said so that is difficult. While in Senegal we would fall asleep every night to kids worshipping and here we fall asleep to the sound of voodoo. Its hard to have kids starving to death, and hear people loving Satan, it is heartbreaking. Currently, we are having a drought so a lot of animals are starting to die, and AM says that she thinks there will be a lot more malnourished kids coming. As my friends in ATL would say, Haiti is a hot mess! But when you get to know individuals there is hope, and joy. But Haiti has so much oppression and needs prayer.

I'm lovin it(The McDonald's Theme Song)

2009-04-29T15:53:00.000-07:00

Wednesday, April 29th, still no internet I am using AM and Rob’s computer to send these off. Ok so my last note I left off as frustrated then over the weekend I read this book called Crazy Love, by Francis Chan. If you are a Christian you have to read it, it totally kicked my butt! I realized that my attitude was not joyful, not loving. I think I was being selfish and lazy, and felt like I should just get credit for being here and not have to go above and beyond, I was not having a servant‘s heart. Then I realized I want to serve, I want to do whatever it takes, and I want to be a joyful presence! Sunday, I went and got all the kids from the hospital and AM’s and Rob’s three girls. We all went on a walk to the river, where all the kids stripped down and went swimming. I ended up falling in the river and swimming as well! I cannot walk in Haiti, I am such a clutz! It was so much fun and all the kids were laughing. Then on Monday I went to the hospital and gave some babies, and some toddlers baths which was also pretty fun. Except I had about 15 people watching me the whole time. I like to put on a show for everyone, the added bonus is that I have no idea what they are saying about me. The babies are still in limbo but I got Eli and Robcheley to smile which was awesome! Also, on Monday I got to put stitches in a man’s ear which was something I didn’t think I would do. Yesterday, and today I helped with two deliveries. While helping delivery a baby a woman brought in twins, John Brown and James Brown(yes those are their names) who are 11 days old, they each weigh 3 pounds. So we admitted them to the hospital. I am optimistic, the fact that they are still alive in a miracle. But we are officially on baby overload. But I love all the babies and the kids. I started giving all of them kisses and hugs and they get so excited. There is not much affection for the kids here, so I am trying to give everyone their daily hugs! It always makes me feel good too! Except now everywhere I go I have about 6 kids following me which makes it difficult to be productive, but in the best way! I apologize for not responding to emails, as soon as we get the internet again, I will be emailing more frequently!

What's up c babies?

2009-04-29T15:52:00.000-07:00

Saturday April 25th still no internet. This week has been a difficult week. I started off the week sick, and then finished off the week frustrated. I am frustrated that I don’t know the language, it is a constant struggle and brain exercise which I would like a break from. Most of all though I am frustrated b/c Eli is still sick c fevers, and vomiting. I don’t know what is going on with him. We have another baby Robcheley who has been here for over three weeks and is not gaining wgt, and I don’t know why. Finally we have a third baby, Adline, who I call zombie baby because she has no life in her, she never smiles or has expressions. Her mom died, and her aunt is taking care of her. Sometimes the aunt leaves her with her daughters for the day who does not give her milk; even though she is malnourished and has Kwash. Yesterday, I told the daughter she had to drink the milk or she would die and the daughter just laughed and walked off. I don’t know if it is a survival of the fittest mentality, if people shutdown or if people just don’t care but it is super frustrating. I just want these babies to be healthy, I want to know what is wrong with them, I want blood work, I want tests to be done. We need some healing for these babies!

Muto, and some bodily fluids

2009-04-29T15:51:00.000-07:00

Today, April 22nd, I am in love. His name is Muto(Me Toe), and he is 9yo. He is the cutest kid ever. He is a malnourished boy in the hospital who would not talk to me but today he asked me to come play and talk c him. He is the only kid who has thrown up at my feet and not repulsed me. Don’t judge me people, no one likes someone puking on their shoes. And even though I am a nurse I do not DO vomit! It was a happy day, I finally cracked him! It made up for the day at the clinic. Which was an 11mo on her deathbed who we could do nothing for, and was basically sent home to die, and she did die that night. It was cleaning the wound of a man who ripped a tendon on his hand, which gave me flashbacks to a man who hit his hand on a rock Friday and we had to squeeze a lot of pus out. I had to cut an abscess on a 3yo’s abdomen, and try to drain it. As well as the daily cleaning of an old man who lives at the clinic. He has a pressure ulcer on his butt the size of a cantaloupe. He has HIV and was suddenly paralyzed, apparently no one moved him and he literally has a wide open wound. We clean it daily, and I touch the bone every time I clean it. Did I mention that I have had the stomach flu since Thursday, so the wounds today just about sent me puking multiple times. But I had to do them today because Ryna is now sick with a fever, and stomach flu, and since I am healing and am only dealing c nausea and diarrhea I volunteered to do the wounds. Please pray for our health! Sorry for the nurse talk, I will keep the pus, blood and vomit talk to a minimum on the blog!

A Day in Passe Catabois

2009-04-29T15:50:00.000-07:00

Ok I am writing on April 20st pretending I have internet. I realized everyone is probably wondering what the heck I do here. The day starts c hospital rounds at 8am. Of course I wake up at about 6 b/c I usually have about 5 kids doing laps around the house as well as sheep baaing directly outside my door along c roosters crowing. It is very difficult to sleep c all those sounds, and if you know me you know I am not a morning person so you can imagine how pleasant I am with that awakening! Poor Ryna. Anyway, at the hospital we give all 17 TB patients their daily medicine about 8 pills each. We have 5 malnourished kids c Kwash that we give fortified milk to, including Eli who has the beginning stages of Kwash. Then we have two mystery babies that are not gaining wgt. And one woman c heart failure. After seeing all these patients and their families who stay with them, we go to the clinic. The hospital usually takes about 2hrs. The clinic is open from 9:00-12:00 but really until one. We see the children in the Cinderella program who were once malnourished or at high risk, and all the TB patients who are coming in for their monthly medicine. TB paitents stay in the hospital for two months and then come in for monthly check ins and medicine for 6mo. We also do wound care, which is my least favorite. Then I run to the house, or Ryna does and get more milk to give to the malnourished babies. Then we are at the clinic all afternoon until about 2 or 4 while AM the MD does surgery. Then we come home make more milk and do the evening rounds. Finishing at about 6:30. All of this in 90 degrees, oppressive heat. When I come home I will not socialize c anyone b/c I will be sleeping! Just joking! It is actually fun to visit at the hospital, and the clinic is interesting to say the least! I’m glad I’m here.

I gave my baby up

2009-04-29T15:48:00.000-07:00

I am writing this on April 18th, pretending I have internet. Ok everyone sorry for being non-responsive we have not had internet since the day after Easter. Something about a mix up about paying for the internet! First of all thanks to everyone for their encouragement c Eli! No I will not be bringing him home c me, and yes I am aware that this is payback for the difficult baby I was! I feel like a bad mom but I had to give my baby up. He is now staying c a lady in the hospital. His last two nights here he woke up every half hour, it was insanity. Not only was I losing my mind but everyone staying at the house was about to go homicidal on me. I decided that I could either help the baby or try and help everyone at the hospital and clinic. I voted for everyone. I always liked Kantean ethics, for the good of everyone! The best part of the story is that at the hospital he sleeps all night! We decided he is terrified of white people b/c he probably had not seen any until we took him home. Or he doesn’t like our smell or something. He definitely doesn’t like our food, he eats much better at the hospital, of course they give him cookies all the time. Flashback to my clients at public health! Why is everyone so enthusiastic about babies liking cookies, of course they do who doesn’t?

2009-04-13T13:43:00.000-07:00

So Friday afternoon I went for a walk with some of the local kids, I had to go over some hills and cross a river. After that I was put on a donkey for a ride up the next hill where I was taken into a house to visit c a woman who just had a baby. I was asked to name the baby, I named him Joshua. After that I was taken into the field to pick beans. All this with me barely speaking the language. Just a random Haiti moment. Saturday four of us went to the beautiful beach which was about a 2hr motorcycle cab ride, b/c we had two flat tires. It was so much fun, and I only feared for my life a few times. Then to get home we had to hike for about 3hrs, then we were able to catch a tap tap. We were able to have one of the patients at the hospital babysit for us which was so nice! Eli was up every hour Sat. night, and Sun. every half hour. Fortunately, Sun. night I had one of the guys staying at the house watch the baby. I picked the perfect night for that. Eli has to be held constantly, and I have been praying for some super maternal instincts, patience, and energy. I have new respect for moms, if you are a mom and you did not lose your mind after taking care of your baby I give you props!!

2009-04-10T11:13:00.000-07:00

I have been in Haiti for almost one week, I arrived in Passe Catabois in north eastern Haiti after four plane rides, a motorcycle taxi and a tap tap ride. The tap tap is like a taxi but everyone rides in a the back of an old Toyota Tacoma. In my tap tap there were sixteen of us in the back, five inside the cab and four on top! I went from snow at the airport in Seattle to 90 degrees plus humidity here in Haiti. So far I have not seen any tarantulas b/c it is not the rainy season but I did have a decent size banana spider jump out of the shower at me which was not cool! People in Washington may have heard it! On my fourth day here I picked up a baby, I named him Elijah. His mom died in a house fire, and the child was given to his aunt who has twelve kids herself, so for now Eli is my baby! He has been my constant companion and I love the little guy, but he is not gonna go home with me!! Today is Good Friday and I woke up to hear a ra ra which is all the people who worship Satan celebrating the fact that Jesus died. They are dancing c machetes and chanting. It has been very disturbing, there is a lot of spiritual warfare going on here. Please keep us in your prayers!

2009-04-02T22:48:00.000-07:00

I leave for Haiti in about 20hrs. I am officially in chaos mode, but am excited for this new adventure. I know this is what I have been called to do, and that I am going to be a part of something really important, and life changing. I hope I will be helpful, and that I can be a source of joy and hope! Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as my journey begins! :) Peace